life in the archives
felt this to my core. sitting at my desk crying. my daughter has 6 days left of junior year, and I feel the future already slipping out of my fingers becoming the past before I have time to be present in the present.
Reading your words while sitting in my driveway and now crying in my car after dropping off my youngest who’s graduating from middle school in a few weeks and heading to the high school their brother will graduate from next year around this time. Feeling your feels deeply over here. Celebrating and mourning at the same time. Sending hugs xx
Anticipatory grief! My god, that’s exactly what I’ve been consumed by in these past few months as my youngest graduates and is moving away. Your words are everything I’ve been feeling. Coupled with the bittersweet reality of my aging/softening parents, I’m trying to reconcile with how quiet my house and my life has become. The joyful cacophony, the deliciously dramatic discussions, the NEED placed on me…. how does one actually ever replace what it means to be the day-to-day mother? I’m grieving the void that has already begun to form, but also reveling in what I see forming in its place. No one ever told me this was how it would feel and I’m so grateful to read what you’ve shared about how you’re processing it.
Feeling this deeply right now as my Emerson kid just graduated two days ago and my youngest graduates high school in two weeks. 💞
I was just thinking about this today- alone in the office copy room, catering contracts for my wedding in one hand, my mother’s death certificates in the other. This is the stuff, baby ❤️
It's hard to come to terms with two things being true at the same time... let alone All The Things!
I’m in a similar phase - one about to turn 20 and finding their way in the world, one about to turn 18 and about to map out the next steps, one about to turn 13 and anticipating middle school and all that awaits during that tricky stage. And I’m about to turn 55 - divorced, celibate for nearly 4 years, sober for nearly 3. I’ve spent so many years just trying to survive. Not willing (able?) to give up because - who would be their docent then? So now I try to grieve AND figure out...where am I? Where did I go? And should I even try to find that person? Or just let her wither and die - put all energy into them. Still.
Sending you much 🖤💫, in solidarity.
Read the phrase "grief is a haunting" in a book the other day and thought of you. It felt like something you'd say.
Love this, love you. xoxo
Yes!yes yea! My oldest son came home from his first year of college cross country and dropping him off was the hardest and then many moments after were the hardest and then he left for an independent trip to Europe not because he had it all planned or was enthusiastically so excited, but because of who he is wanting to become. These moments feel like I was/am just still there becoming and the pain of growth. So then this was the hardest - and then amidst it all I tap into the collective, not to minimize but to realize it’s been done before. Not on my heart with my kids, but all the time, and I love to check in with perspective so I don’t anticipate and then live it all under the crushing weight of can I hold it all while creating while letting go while all the other things. I can’t look at a photo without missing those kids and I have to realize my mom felt the same and also let us do it, still feels the same way about me and me feeling my kid! And then you write and I see here so many feeling the same. It is the human experience I guess.
Been learning in therapy how it's possible to be two things at once. Then and now, never and forever. Xo
Oh how I feel this.
My twin boys are the same age as Bo and Revie and they are headed to middle school next year. This hit hard...I want them to grow and become but oh how I also want to hold on and cuddle the tiny babies they once were.
A few typos in there but I think my messages expressed
Rebecca your words touch eternity because as long as Earthlings the human being kind have been walking the planet they have dealt with these moments in a human being's life when they cross thresholds. They understood that these moments are critical and life-changing and they called them rights of Passage which we've reduced to graduations from arbitrary divisions in a public education system which is in the Death throws of obsolescence. You see 50 years ago, in May of 1973 your mother and I were getting ready to promote another one of those words to the senior level of high school, those of us at least that it survived the '60s. I had all the same apprehensions that you are youth are feeling and I've had all the apprehensions you feel as an adult. Love the thread look forward to meeting some new artists some new Writers and find a safe place to do what I love more than anything in World create new and beautiful Prose or poetry, and really all I'm doing is recycling material that the poets and the artists and the writers have been riding for centuries. I just get to cloth my new creations with my own wotds. Hope I didn't go over the limit for words I hate limits on words I found that in the Bio Sectionwords. Lol