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I'm pretty exhausted by the left, by purity politics and by fragile feelings.

I'm a woman who was born in the mid 70s. I'm hard AF. I will discuss anything and I'm always open to change, however, if you question any little thing, you have an army of the unstable out to cancel you. I have a friend who recently transitioned to living as a woman. In her dead life, she was an upper middle class white male and lived that way for over 45 years. I'm glad she's living her truth now, but she mansplained feminism to me after this election and I called her out on it.

Then? She tried to cancel me. C'est la vie. I'm not afraid of a bunch of people who have no actual influence on my life. Sorry, 15 year old Canadian trans person. call me Karen. I don't care.

I am done kowtowing to this kind of lunacy. I'm not a TERF and I believe the feminine sphere can hold a plethora of feminine experiences and we don't have to be held to one, or pretend that these experiences are all from the same cloth.

However, patriarchy is deeply rooted in all of us, especially those who have been part of the most privileged sect of patriarchy; regardless as to how someone is living/identifying today. Using your trans status to scream down other women is fucking misogynistic as hell. Come to the carpet to discuss and listen. If you start dismissing other women/womyn and cutting them off, it's fucked up. No matter who is doing it.

Now? As a top earner, I am looking forward to lower taxes and funding the revolution to how I see fit.

Fuck purity culture. Fuck the patriarchy.

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Thank you Bec as always for sharing perspectives that get us thinking. I have also tried to avoid the finger-pointing and the circular firing squad postmortems that we're so good at. I also have a crap ton of unpublished drafts here that I may or may not ever share. I'll just say that the right has a serious morality problem right now. But the left has a serious strategy problem, and all the good intent and noble values in the world won't win elections for us if we don't cut it with the purity tests and sanctimony. It really is a big tent; let's remember not to shut the door behind us when we enter.

[Editing to clarify: The sanctimony we direct at each other]

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@Liz Gumbinner - But the left ALSO has a serious morality problem which is what this post is about. Everything the left accuses the right of is what the left is doing. I'm seeing seemingly rational humans disown family members simply for voting for Trump and proudly posting texts showing how they told their sweet Aunt Debbie (who just wants the price of eggs to go down and is against abortion) to fuck off and die. Granted, every situation is different but the far left is being super intolerant and hateful while pointing fingers at the right's intolerance and hatred.

I was a lifelong democrat who no longer feels comfortable identifying as such and I don't think I changed, the party did. Like Rebecca said, I simply cannot condone mindlessly shaming people in the ways that I'm seeing happen online FROM THE LIBERAL LEFT.

Trump is a reprehensible human. We all get it. Even millions of people on the right, believe it or not. Is every democrat a delight? No. Maybe they do a better job of hiding it, who really knows with any politician at this degraded point?

Point is, the right isn't a monolith who is voting for or against Trump's personality. Some of them love his bullshit and consider it a free pass to be an ass, sure, but I'll bet a larger number didn't consider this election a referendum on his assholery/misogyny/sexism/racism whatever and dems need to move on from that or - as you noted - they'll continue to have a strategy problem on their hands. Excepting the obvious racists, bigots, misogynists etc... I'd wager a great majority of folks who voted for Trump did so for other reasons that are likely fairly reasonable anyone willing to engage in a nuanced political conversation would realize instead of knee-jerk shaming/cancelling folks. But dems are so busy shaming everyone while being condescending, sanctimonious, hyperbolic, fragile and grief-stricken that they're missing the forest for the trees.

While I'm at it, I don't understand the whole mass movement from twitter to bluesky or avoiding substack because it "platforms nazis." So, instead of discourse to understand those with opposing views you want to be surrounded by likeminded people who always agree with you? that’s not helpful either. it’s the equivalent of taking your toys and going home instead of learning to share. as long as there is free speech there will always be assholes and racists and nazis, but still: thank the universe for free speech. thank goddess it shows us that racism/sexism and all the bad isms are thriving in America and worth fighting against in strategic, nuanced ways which do not include shaming everyone before understanding their stance or isolating yourself with ‘your people’ so-to-speak, on your own version of Trump’s Truth Social.

Or, you know, ban nazis from twitter and substack and blue sky so they hide and we go back to 2012 when we thought most of them were a relic of years past. Ignorance is bliss, right? As for me, I like my nazis out in the open so I know what we're dealing with and so I can teach my kids that this is what's happening when you don't pay attention. That's the price and the point of free speech.

Either way it feels like a post-social media era where reasonable discourse isn't possible and I'm looking at both "sides" as the problem.

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There's a lot here. I agree with some things and not others. However I particuarly take issue with this: "I'd wager a great majority of folks who voted for Trump did so for other reasons that are likely fairly reasonable."

I believe if someone thinks it's reasonable to vote for a man who is a convicted rapist and avowed sexual predator, who mocks disabled people, who uses racial epithets, who calls women the most vile names -- or at least justify why those things are forgivable or easy to overlook -- they need to take a hard look at what they value in this world.

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This is why they do it in secret.

The point of the matter is that living a regular life in America feels impossible these days. Everything is unaffordable. Everything feels out of reach to so many of Americans in the flyover states, that when they've been squeezed so hard, they show their frustration at the polls. That's what happened here. Middle America is hurting economically and socially (many of these towns around here are like Night of the Living dead with all of the opiate addicts around). They don't want to hear about trans rights. They don't know any trans people. They don't care about Gaza/Palestine and many probably don't understand what's going on over there.

The Left has left Middle America in the dust to pander and virtue signal over how informed and woke they are. It's why they lose. Middle Americans want jobs. They want economic development. They want to be able to feed their families and enjoy their lives. The Left has forgotten that.

I get the urge to write people off as "disgusting" because they supported the worst person in the world right now, but I can't. It's why we've lost. Identity politics belong in the wastebasket and until the Left can unite the coasts and cities with the small towns, they will continue to lose.

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A lot of the things you state are perception, not reality. Harris never campaigned on so-called identity politics. She never talked about breaking glass ceilings. She certainly didn’t campaign on sex change surgeries. However, Trump and his supporters poured tens of millions into ads that say that she did.

If you lived in a swing state, especially if you watched a football games, you would think that Harris spent her entire life hanging out in prisons personally chopping off penises. https://abcnews.go.com/amp/US/trump-spends-millions-anti-trans-ads-despite-polls/story?id=115001816

The Biden campaign steeply decreased fentanyl deaths in part because of affordable access to naloxone, and in part because they targeted the drug cartels that were bringing opiates into the country https://www.npr.org/2024/09/18/nx-s1-5107417/overdose-fatal-fentanyl-death-opioid

But here we are talking about “wokeness” as if that is somehow impacting our lives? Like being kind to queer kids or standing up against book bans has anything to do with the cost of eggs? It’s a straw dog argument. And unfortunately, it was effective.

The real issue is misinformation. Trump lies, the media amplifies it, and whatever he wants to say about anyone or any issue at all, however untrue, is what makes headlines.

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Respectfully, you're kind of illuminating my point. You don't need to pander to me. I may live in a swing state, but I voted for her.

I'm telling you why she lost and why Democrats have lost. There's a reason she polled so well prior to the election and then tanked at the actual dance and until the party starts paying attention and stops being such sanctimonious, condescending turds (SHE UNDERSTOOD THE ASSIGNMENTLOLOL#@*), they're going to keep losing as long as we don't lose our right to vote once the three branches are all the same.

Perception is reality. The message they didn't send or want, is the one that got across and that's a problem for the Left, not the right.

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@KateB It's pretty fascinating to live in a Trumpy region of a swing state (PA here) but maintain lifelong friendships with people from both coasts and see all the lovely people whose hearts are in the right place but who can't see how unwittingly condescending and sanctimonious they sound to the average American (republican and democrat) because they tend to live in an echo-chamber of liberal-ness on and offline.

@liz As the parent of a male-identifying biologically female child on the autism spectrum I am all for "wokeness" but, from my vantage-point, some of the behavior and "strategy" I'm seeing from liberals is as egregious as much of Trump and his base's typical bullshit.

Yes Trump is a rapist/racist/misogynist/scumbag but don't assume his supporters believe the accusations and voted for him anyway. Blame a patriarchal society that always believes men over women (that's a whole other convo) or cognitive dissonance or whatever but many otherwise lovely people (I'm from Utah, everyone I know there voted for him) believe Trump accusations to be false or no more horrible than anything Clinton or other democrats have done and they just don’t give them any credence. Does this mean they are horrible humans or also the victims of the patriarchy? Either way, democrats are missing the forest for the trees and the party has become hateful and unrecognizable, at least to me.

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When you talk about the party becoming hateful and condescending, I’m hoping you’ll clarify whether you are talking about voters or leaders. Do you think the Harris campaign behaved in a hateful way? I would appreciate your perspective Monica.

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This is EVERYTHING. Every.Damn.Thing. that I have been thinking and feeling for the past 8 years. I used to be so hard-left and had so much excitement about HC winning back then and was devastated when she didn't. However, I am now very independent, but in the way you mentioned - and thank God in Colorado registered independents get to choose which primary to vote in, so it's actually a BENEFIT to be registered independent! At any rate, I can barely handle the Democratic party anymore because such a vast majority of them TALK about being better and project social media images of being "better" yet all they do is talk shit about everyone else and call everyone who doesn't think EXACTLY like them ignorant and stupid and then wonder why nobody likes them anymore. It's maddening and exhausting and I firmly believe that Democrats literally brought this election outcome on themselves. The cancel culture is out of control.

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This post made me unpause my subscription. I'm so glad to see more voices like yours saying things like this. It gives me some hope.

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THANK YOU!

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Yes, to so much of this. Though I’m probably not as pissed with the Dems because I’m an elder Gen Xer and don’t think there is any perfect approach that would have magically changed where we are right now. But I absolutely agree that shaming people played a role and is not our way out of this.

I do want to push back on the idea the Republicans don’t have “purity tests” or don’t play identify politics. They absolutely do. Just ask any never-Trump Republican or the moderate Republicans who chose not to run again (or were primaried out) because there was no place left for them in their party or the Republicans who pushed back on who won the 2020 election and the consequences of doing so. The main difference is it’s not around race or gender. It’s about fealty to Trump. Which is way scarier, IMO.

I always find it funny that when Dems lose we are convinced that Republicans are more on message, more unified, or that they have it better figured out and start fighting amongst ourselves over who is to blame. When they absolutely aren’t (I’m truly looking forward to the Trump, Musk, RFK Jr fallout that’s coming 🍿). If you listen to Republicans when Dems win they feel that we are the ones in lockstep and hate that Republicans can’t get it together.

Ultimately who is to blame for 2024 is the spineless Republican leadership who refused to vote to impeach Trump after Jan 6th. They knew better but still bent their knee. But as usual now Dems are going to have to find a way to get the country out of the mess they got us into.

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You can't get any more exact if you are a racist or if you hate women (there are many) but the tip-toeing-around other subjects does no good. They are tip-toeing on a hamster wheel; let's get some shit done!

The immediate call to wear Blue Bracelets, good grief. Make some new friends who are NOT your race and NOT in your economic bracket. Living an authentic life is not an accessary!

This coming from a middle-aged-white-woman whose name is KAREN. The work 'care' is actually in my fucking name. Can we possibly move towards ending this slur?

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Fucking A- thank you.

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Thank you for speaking out. I feel like this election was a shift for a lot of us. I do think I've moved from how to *fight* the system to how to create a fulfilled and liberated life *inside* of a corrupt system that might never change. Reading that sentence doesn't fully capture how large of a shift that is for me.

I still align left enough to vote that way without much reservation. Not just abortion but better funding for public education, healthcare for all, tax the super rich, penalize corporate greed, etc. But I want to know why it is that the Biden administration didn't try much to move the needle on that either. So much of our inflation now is corporate greed, and no one even tried to do a damn thing about it. Identity politics became central to Democrats in recent years (and the shaming that comes with it) in part because they wouldn't discuss practical issues head-on. It became all abstract talk and no action.

Do you read Sarah Kendzior? She writes on Substack. An academic with extensive research in authoritarian regimes and three books under her belt. She argues that there are complicit government figures on both sides of the aisle gaining profit from the American people, and that American politics have become synonymous with organized crime. It sounds conspiracy theory-ish sometimes because it's so outrageous and against everything we have been taught and want to believe about our system. But she knows her shit and cites her sources. Worth a read if you don't yet follow her. The biggest issue is not that he won but that he was even allowed to run. Why did Dems and the DOJ not prevent it after Jan 6th? There is no good explanation for that. Don't virtue signal to me and police language but then allow a seditionist madman to run again ... whlie you are also personally profiting from the war in Gaza via stocks in weapon manufacturers used there. I just see so much corruption on both sides, and no one seems like truly the good guy anymore.

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For what it is worth, the Dems did try after Jan 6th. They successfully impeached him. It was Republicans in the Senate that failed to convict. Dems were also who led the Jan 6th hearings.

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Yes to the collective Democratic force in Congress as they at least tried that. But I think my frustration with them lies in the direction of Merrick Garland as part of Biden’s administration. Garland + Republicans + Supreme Court = Trump free to run again. Garland let it go long enough to allow Trump to run again, and he gets the blame as well.

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