Coming into my queerness later in life introduced me to the kind of community I had craved, where being forced into a box wasn’t the norm and where I could explore what being queer meant to me moment by moment. Until that point, I had assumed fitting into defined spaces was the way to happiness and acceptance, my queer mentors helped me realize the only definition that mattered was my own, if I even chose to have one. Embracing the fluidity and flexibility of queerness carried over into so many other aspects of my life and has helped me redefine myself not in relation or comparison to others but wholly within myself. It was a gift I didn’t anticipate receiving when I came out later in life but one that keeps on giving.
I love this. For me, queerness has made my life so much more open in many ways. I am excited for anyone on this journey. Being more of ourselves makes us good lovers & I agree, queer sex is more all-over-the-body. I have never looked at hands the same way again. Thank you, Becca, for always holding such beautiful & thoughtful space. You are a lighthouse.
I am in the middle of divorce after 22 years of marriage and have only been with the one man (turns out being married very young after being raised very strictly isn't the recipe for lifelong success we were promised. Who knew?), but I have known for a long time that I'm attracted to women too. While I haven't started dating yet, I have been wondering how to navigate wanting to explore this side of myself while being respectful of women my age who may have been out for years by now. I plan on being honest about being "new" or whatever and letting folks decide if that's what they are up for or not. Would love to know more about how other people have navigated that aspect of later-in-life queerness.
Same background here! Nothing but long term, heteronormative relationships with cis-men. I’m still currently in that same set-up, married 6 years to my second husband, but I have questions...
I can’t seem to find much emotional fulfillment from any of the relationships I’ve been in. In my current relationship, I know my husband loves me and cares for me. He does a great job with the kids. He makes dinner every night. Helps with cleaning. We laugh a lot. Sex is fun - but not as intimate when that emotional connection is lacking. Lots of good things going on, but when it come to any of my emotional needs, his shovel just doesn’t dig that deep...
He and I have dabbled with ethical non-monogamy. We have friends who are polyamorous. We’re familiar with and open to ideas outside of the heteronormative box...
So I’m wondering, for those of you who have had relationships with other women, how your emotional experiences may have differed from your relationships with men.
How does intimacy differ when your emotionally connected with a woman?
I guess I’m wondering if I should dip my toes in the ENM waters again...
I came out at 39 after divorcing the cis man I had been with since age 19. I think what has surprised me, both in terms of dating and in terms of sex, is the intensity of the experience with women. I was nervous about having “a different kind of sex” at first. But it turns out that having queer sex just means being open to exploring all kinds of sensations that feel good. It’s very freeing. And it can also mean that “sex” can go on for hours and hours. The trope about lesbian first dates lasting for three days (and bringing a U-Haul on the second date) does have some basis in reality, lol. And while that kind of intensity can be delicious, it can also be overwhelming. Queer relationships and sex will quickly make you learn the importance of boundaries if you haven’t already.
Coming into my queerness later in life introduced me to the kind of community I had craved, where being forced into a box wasn’t the norm and where I could explore what being queer meant to me moment by moment. Until that point, I had assumed fitting into defined spaces was the way to happiness and acceptance, my queer mentors helped me realize the only definition that mattered was my own, if I even chose to have one. Embracing the fluidity and flexibility of queerness carried over into so many other aspects of my life and has helped me redefine myself not in relation or comparison to others but wholly within myself. It was a gift I didn’t anticipate receiving when I came out later in life but one that keeps on giving.
I love this. For me, queerness has made my life so much more open in many ways. I am excited for anyone on this journey. Being more of ourselves makes us good lovers & I agree, queer sex is more all-over-the-body. I have never looked at hands the same way again. Thank you, Becca, for always holding such beautiful & thoughtful space. You are a lighthouse.
I am in the middle of divorce after 22 years of marriage and have only been with the one man (turns out being married very young after being raised very strictly isn't the recipe for lifelong success we were promised. Who knew?), but I have known for a long time that I'm attracted to women too. While I haven't started dating yet, I have been wondering how to navigate wanting to explore this side of myself while being respectful of women my age who may have been out for years by now. I plan on being honest about being "new" or whatever and letting folks decide if that's what they are up for or not. Would love to know more about how other people have navigated that aspect of later-in-life queerness.
Same background here! Nothing but long term, heteronormative relationships with cis-men. I’m still currently in that same set-up, married 6 years to my second husband, but I have questions...
I can’t seem to find much emotional fulfillment from any of the relationships I’ve been in. In my current relationship, I know my husband loves me and cares for me. He does a great job with the kids. He makes dinner every night. Helps with cleaning. We laugh a lot. Sex is fun - but not as intimate when that emotional connection is lacking. Lots of good things going on, but when it come to any of my emotional needs, his shovel just doesn’t dig that deep...
He and I have dabbled with ethical non-monogamy. We have friends who are polyamorous. We’re familiar with and open to ideas outside of the heteronormative box...
So I’m wondering, for those of you who have had relationships with other women, how your emotional experiences may have differed from your relationships with men.
How does intimacy differ when your emotionally connected with a woman?
I guess I’m wondering if I should dip my toes in the ENM waters again...
I came out at 39 after divorcing the cis man I had been with since age 19. I think what has surprised me, both in terms of dating and in terms of sex, is the intensity of the experience with women. I was nervous about having “a different kind of sex” at first. But it turns out that having queer sex just means being open to exploring all kinds of sensations that feel good. It’s very freeing. And it can also mean that “sex” can go on for hours and hours. The trope about lesbian first dates lasting for three days (and bringing a U-Haul on the second date) does have some basis in reality, lol. And while that kind of intensity can be delicious, it can also be overwhelming. Queer relationships and sex will quickly make you learn the importance of boundaries if you haven’t already.
Simply beautiful.