As the mother of three young adults, one of whom is severely disabled and will live with me forever, I sort of want to weep as I read this. I’ve had two marriages and two divorces, one affair when I was married the first time, and a life rich in family, friendships, art, writing, teaching and advocacy, but you know what? I’m 60 and am still struggling to extricate my identity from what defines it, apparently. Mother. Caregiver.
THANK YOU. Obvs and always. A while back in the early blogging days, I spoke out on Twitter (RIP) about how much I hate the terms ‘Mom Boss’ and ‘Momprenuer.’ And I got railed. BY WOMEN. As if we can’t just be a boss or an entrepreneur or any of the myriad things you mention we are, that society dictates must take a back seat. We now how to make up terminology so that we can label every other facet of ourselves with MOM. Not to mention the fact that it it also insinuates that we can do other things ‘in spite of’ being mothers. Like it’s a fucking handicap. I think the thing I find most infuriating is that these patriarchal standards are being upheld by women...other moms. Clearly I’m angry too...xx
I spent some time with my sister recently. My sister who is in the throes of having young kids and so much of her life identifying as Mom and wife. She was asking the tip toe questions that I get asked all the time now that I left my marriage. I was feeling bold and told her about my infidelity and all of a sudden it was a loud record scratch between us in the car. “But don’t you feel bad,” she asked?! To which I smirked and said NOT ANYMORE.
Holy fuck. Just like always. Something I have struggled with for SO LONG. I love how you just lay it out there. And this is why I subscribed. Because you are amazing. Thank you for saying all the things that are in my heart and my head 💜
Wowza! Loved every word of this. My favorite, which my experience bears out:
"People love to talk about how GOOD MEN don’t cheat. But I disagree. No one has made me feel worse about myself than the men who never have. Who have created entire identities on their ability to keep it in their pants. And who carry that entitlement into their relationships, convinced thaty their morality supersedes the fact that they’re actually assholes."
You are doing such a service. Keep cutting that clasp, please.
I love how you write, how you think, how you make ME think. And how you inspire me to write more honestly. I’m slowly getting there. And I want to do so much more of it.
This is brilliant and it is everything. Thank you, thank you. 🩵
As the mother of three young adults, one of whom is severely disabled and will live with me forever, I sort of want to weep as I read this. I’ve had two marriages and two divorces, one affair when I was married the first time, and a life rich in family, friendships, art, writing, teaching and advocacy, but you know what? I’m 60 and am still struggling to extricate my identity from what defines it, apparently. Mother. Caregiver.
THANK YOU. Obvs and always. A while back in the early blogging days, I spoke out on Twitter (RIP) about how much I hate the terms ‘Mom Boss’ and ‘Momprenuer.’ And I got railed. BY WOMEN. As if we can’t just be a boss or an entrepreneur or any of the myriad things you mention we are, that society dictates must take a back seat. We now how to make up terminology so that we can label every other facet of ourselves with MOM. Not to mention the fact that it it also insinuates that we can do other things ‘in spite of’ being mothers. Like it’s a fucking handicap. I think the thing I find most infuriating is that these patriarchal standards are being upheld by women...other moms. Clearly I’m angry too...xx
“...every single woman leads a secret life.” I’ve never felt more seen in my life. Oof.
I spent some time with my sister recently. My sister who is in the throes of having young kids and so much of her life identifying as Mom and wife. She was asking the tip toe questions that I get asked all the time now that I left my marriage. I was feeling bold and told her about my infidelity and all of a sudden it was a loud record scratch between us in the car. “But don’t you feel bad,” she asked?! To which I smirked and said NOT ANYMORE.
Mz. Rebecca...always keeping it real. You give us space to breathe because so many women are choking within their lives. Thank you.
Holy fuck. Just like always. Something I have struggled with for SO LONG. I love how you just lay it out there. And this is why I subscribed. Because you are amazing. Thank you for saying all the things that are in my heart and my head 💜
Wowza! Loved every word of this. My favorite, which my experience bears out:
"People love to talk about how GOOD MEN don’t cheat. But I disagree. No one has made me feel worse about myself than the men who never have. Who have created entire identities on their ability to keep it in their pants. And who carry that entitlement into their relationships, convinced thaty their morality supersedes the fact that they’re actually assholes."
You are doing such a service. Keep cutting that clasp, please.
Yassssss. And you know what? I rather like being bad. But I would/could never tell my husband or my mother that.
watch them roll......
I love how you write, how you think, how you make ME think. And how you inspire me to write more honestly. I’m slowly getting there. And I want to do so much more of it.
This is brilliant and it is everything. Thank you, thank you. 🩵
This is such a valuable piece of writing Rebecca!!! Damn. Thank you for making it. I could not agree MORE!
I AM WEEPING. I AM ANGRY. You have no idea how I much I needed this today. And every damn day. Thank you for showing up authentically.
ILYSM. DUDE. Thank you for helping thousands upon thousands upon thousands of women to break free. <3
Omg a rallying cry. Thank you, love you, as always. Fire emojis.
YESSSSS. Always, yes (you hit the nail on the head. Again and again)