when death makes you DTF

for many of us, grief is an aphrodisiac and looking for ways to feel more alive after someone we love dies is a HEALTHY, very HUMAN response

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A few weeks back I posted the following on Instagram, after writing this two part essay.

photo by Charles Hewitt, 1949

I’ve heard from a lot of women (most notably, widows!) in the last few days about their grief being an aphrodisiac (re: last few posts) and I want to normalize that in a future SATSM column so if anyone is willing to weigh in either publicly below or privately via DM hit me up! There is absolutely NO SHAME in being a horny widow/motherless daughter/grieving friend and I will fight anyone who says otherwise! Wanting to feel alive is a very normal feeling to have when someone you love dies! (I included a poll below if anyone wants to weigh in that way. 🖤🤝🖤)

More than 2/3 of those who weighed in on my poll agreed that grief makes them horny. (I hate that word, by the way! Horny is my “moist.” As is the word masturbation. I find the words “horny” and “masturbation” the least sexy words in the English language and resent whoever’s idea it was to dub self-pleasure with a four syllable word that sounds like punishment. BUT I DIGRESS.

This week I wanted to share a few of the stories of women for whom the death of their spouses, friends and family members made them hungry for touch — a thing that isn’t only typical it is A MAJORITY response.

But first, here’s mine: