to be in awe...

in life but also in death, featuring great aunt dot

Happy Sunday, everyone.

Today I wanted to share a short film that was made about my great Aunt Dot who I have written about over the years and shared on previous platforms. (Here’s an interview I did with her after the 2016 election.)

Even before Hal was dying Dot and I talked regularly about death and it’s “great mystery” as well as what it means to truly live. and by live I mean, embracing the magic and mayhem of the unknown, rebelling against the idea of being “too old,” and tapping into one’s life force in order to face death head on.

This idea of the great mystery has been something I’ve held onto through various stages of grief and overwhelm. It has become my version of “god” or “the universe” when I need a fuckin hand. Like, OKAY GREAT MYSTERY, COME AT ME. I AM DROWNING OVER HERE. SOS.

from a card Dot wrote me in 2018

Dot breaks laws, 2016

It has been necessary for me these last six years to surround myself with people who do not shy away from talk of death — who are able to use words like DEATH and DYING without padding them preciously. Willing to recognize their mortality without fearing their demise. They happen to be the most well-lived people I know. Feral with both rebellion (against the bullshit!) and acquiescence (to what is REAL and true).

Most of all, Dot. who at ninety-six years old is tearing through the brush, hugging trees, and breathing through her lungs while simultaneously making eye contact with the reaper the way a lover would.

Dot has always personified rebellion against the politics of “aging” but she also modeled acquiescence to its physical realities. And that has been such a gift to me that I’ve made a sort of pact with myself to do the same.

“… just be in awe…” Dot says toward the end of the film.

I can think of no better advice for living and dying than that.