girls in bathrooms shaving

legs, pubes, and chin hairs: three scenes

• Scene One: Age 11

I’m in my cousin’s bathroom. It’s a school night and we have decided to shave our legs. We don’t know what we’re doing but we’re also in this together. We don’t say this out loud. We just figure, if we’re gonna break our mothers’ hearts, shave without asking, better to have a partner in crime. Girls know in our bodies about safety in numbers. Even when we’re little.

“Shhhh. Lock the door.”

Erica has an older sister which is how we have access to razors. But they’re those pink disposable ones and we’re too new to know they suck. There’s also no internet — no tutorial videos, just soap and the razors we will soon drag over our knees and nick and nick and nick.

I’m too young to shave my legs, maybe, but I don’t feel like it. Most of the other girls in my class have shaved theirs and a boy was making fun of my leg hair last time I wore shorts. I’m not supposed to care what he thinks but I do care so I don’t say anything about it I just pretend not to hear him and study my legs when I’m alone to try to see what he does.

I don’t want to be the last one in my grade with hairy legs. I want to be older so badly. My cousin does, too.

We extend our legs against the sink and lather soap because that’s all we have to use. Then one by one we drag the razors over our shins against the bone and the skin comes off with it. I don’t know this at first because it doesn’t hurt until it starts to bleed.

The towels in the room are peach and green to match the tile work but we use toilet paper to absorb the blood.

Here, have a Band-aid we say to each other. We are laughing and it hurts but also we did it. All those little blonde hairs, save for the spots we missed, are gone.

The next day I will go to school with legs covered with Band-aids and feel like a woman. My mom won’t know I shaved my legs, yet, because I’ll be wearing pants to hide the Band-aids. I will wear pants for several days until the Band-aids come off.

I will wait for the boy who made fun of me before to notice but he won’t say anything.

Not until I point to my legs, will anyone notice.

Look at me, I’ll say to myself. I’m like a woman now.

And then, three days later, when the stubble grows in, I’ll realize with horror, that now that I’ve started shaving, I’ll never be able to stop.